A Myth of Independence
I wrote “A Myth of Independence” for my First Year Seminar Class in the fall. My assignment was to write a critique either about something prominent in American society today, or about the way the media inflict ideas and values upon our culture. One of the books we read in my class was called The Lolita Effect. It focused on the sexualization of girls and women in both society and the workplace. Inspired by this book, I chose to write a social critique on the misinformation portrayed in the popular TV show, Sex and the City. In my essay, I argued that although the sitcom does show some progress for women in society and the workplace because each female character is both strong and independent, when watching the show one inevitably receives the impression that a New York City woman cannot go a day without spending away her feelings, regardless of whether or not the spending money exists. My essay analyzes each character and their activities, and also mentions Gossip Girl, another TV show that stereotypes women in the same way.
I read my essay again recently and realized it is very wordy and overly complicated at parts. I consequently spent some time editing my work in compliance with the suggestions written in Book III of Aristotle’s Rhetoric. Aristotle makes many suggestions about the format and content of writing for many different occasions; I focused on the suggestions that pertain to my essay, which, in Aristotle’s terms, concerns wording for the rhetoric of writing.
The first of Aristotle’s suggestions that pertained to my essay was in chapters five and six of Book III. Aristotle writes about the importance of speaking grammatically and clearly. Aristotle also writes that wordiness should be taken out of all writing. Wordiness can come in the form of too many metaphors, run-on sentences, and too many conjunctions. In order to eliminate wordiness and make sure I was speaking grammatically, I read through my essay and attempted to reword/delete any unneeded or overly descriptive sections. For example, what I had written as: “This show is one of the many television shows that highlight America’s fascination with observing and following the rich and fashionable,” I changed to, “This show highlights America’s fascination with observing the rich and fashionable.”
In chapters nine and ten, Aristotle writes about the importance of speaking elegantly, in well-formulated clauses. He advocates that wording should be organized in periods with a beginning and an end. This makes the writing pleasing to read and easy to understand. Additionally, in order to make writing elegant, Aristotle says to make arguments simple, but not obvious, and to allow the reader to learn quickly. In my paper, I identified sentences that were too long or overly-descriptive and sought to divide them into more complete, easy phrases. For example, I had written: “Then there is Miranda Hobbs, perhaps the most logical of the group, who is a lawyer, and is known for making decisions by writing down the pros and cons of a situation.” After reviewing Aristotle’s suggestions, I felt this sentence would read more fluidly and elegantly if it said, “Then there is Miranda Hobbs, a lawyer, and the most logical of the group.” Another sentence I had read:
“The expensive things that the Sex and the City women buy are not bought for impractical reasons, but in order to satisfy their out-of-control superficial desires.” I changed this sentence to: “The Sex and the City women buy expensive things for impractical reasons: to satisfy their out-of-control superficial desires.”
In editing the rest of my paper, I was also able to correct the paper’s introduction in accordance with Aristotle’s requirements. I appeal to the listener, and warn him what he is about to hear about. Furthermore, in the conclusion, I made sure my writing sets up the listener to be in favor of my argument, exaggerates my argument, gets the listener to feel a specific emotion, and reminds my listener of everything I said previously.
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