Wonderful Writing

Lesson #1: “Revisions: There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Seriously.”

How you like them apples? (development)

1. It’s all in the topic. Seriously, if you’re going to make other people read your paper, you better make sure it’s something you like, or you get to like. Yes, I know your English teacher is usually that awful catalyst in forcing you to get off Facebook and write a paper, but you’re just going to have to convince yourself that you enjoy what you’re talking about. Okay so that may have been kind of hard to hear, so let me rephrase that. You need to truly know your topic; become the top authority on your topic. If you happen to be covering a broad, overwhelming topic that seems impossible to learn everything for, make sure you get your information from reliable sources that do know everything. Becoming an expert on your topic helps you to write better because you truly understand your subject and you can therefore, better persuade your readers. So fill your brain with knowledge on your topic to avoid what teachers hate most: made-up fluff you write just to make their paper-length requirements. Remember: quality versus quantity!
2. Take the time to really build your thesis. A “thesis” is defined as an “overall subject for a composition or essay.” See it as a chance for you to explain your entire argument in one sentence. This may seem awesome, but for some reason or another, this is often one of the most difficult tasks for writers. Consolidating all of your thoughts into one sentence forces you to really know what you’re talking about and really tests your ability to persuade your audience. Your thesis statement should act as a “map” for the rest of your paper but it must also clearly answer the question or prompt given for your particular essay. It almost always (unless your teacher is a little funky) in the first paragraph of your piece of writing, and must be disputable. Work hard on your thesis, it’s like making a good impression on your first date: you only get one chance!
3. A hypothesis isn’t only for the science lab. A hypothesis is defined as “an empirically falsifiable explanation of observable phenomenon.” Sometimes when we hear the word, “hypothesis” we see beakers full of random chemicals. As much as these random chemicals are appealing, hypotheses don’t only appear in lab reports. I know this may be a little shocking but a hypothesis can be made in a piece of writing for some other class other than science. A hypothesis must (just like a thesis) be a debatable statement. Then what’s the difference between the two? A hypothesis is what you “suppose” and a thesis is what you “pose.” So either way, remember to make a disputable claim—then back it up with evidence.
4. Remember who you’re writing for. Keeping your audience in mind when writing your paper is the best way to keep it consistent and applicable. Audience determines the tone of your paper, much like you would speak differently to a professor than you would your best friend while having a conversation, your writing should also reflect these same changes. When writing anything, your audience should constantly be in the forefront of your mind. Make sure to check that your entire paper focuses on that same audience; don’t switch between different ones.
5. Narrow down your argument into specific details. There is nothing more difficult than working with too broad of a topic (unless you’re writing a dissertation) because you can get lost with irrelevant details. Instead of writing about the entire history of golf, maybe just focus on the history of a particular course instead. Narrowing down your topic before you write your paper can do wonders. By keeping this tip in mind, you won’t be meandering through extraneous details—and let me tell you, your readers will thank you for this.
6. Pay attention to the overall “flow“ of your writing. To first explain this piece of advice, I’m going to define “flow.” I define “flow” as the “movement of your writing or the overall transition and progression of ideas.” You can have all the evidence in the world to support your thesis but if you can’t blend it all together nicely, then your paper is still ineffective. So remember that when reading through your argument, make sure all your transitions are smooth and that each new paragraph doesn’t feel like it’s going to jump out and bite your reader. A good flow will help your audience to better understand your writing and hey, you really can’t argue against that.

Tools of the Trade (Supplies)

1. Always print out your paper when editing. This may sound like a very simple, obvious idea—and it is. Having a hard copy of one’s paper usually makes you keener to read through your paper more carefully- making your revisions that much better. I know what you’re saying already. “Why should I waste ink when I could just read it on my computer?” Well, as weird as this may sound, there is something about feeling the fibers of the paper between your fingers that makes you more likely to catch your mistakes. The only way I’ll let you get out of this step is if you’re deathly afraid of paper cuts. But I’m still going to insist that even that might be worth it.
2. Have a second piece of paper handy for additional notes that will not fit on your original piece of writing. Since making revisions does not only include grammar (although you should always be aware of it), an extra piece of paper gives you more room to express your ideas. It seems like I always come up with ideas when I’m least expecting them a.k.a writer’s block doesn’t occur when I’m eating pizza at lunch trying to come up with an argument—it happens when I’m staring at the computer. So just incase you run out of room when reading your paper, have a notepad near by to jot down some new ideas or ways to improve your argument. And I’m warning you, don’t even think about drawing pictures. Yes, I know they’re funny, but save them for math class.
3. Have at least three different colors of pens and some highlighters available for different corrections. This might seem a bit demanding of me to ask of you too, I’m aware. But hear me out: different colors help to differentiate between different kinds of revisions. You could have a red pen for grammar, a blue pen for “foundational” corrections (which I promise I’ll get to later) and a purple pen for some random idea. Heck, if you wanted to use crayons I wouldn’t care, just whatever tool helps you to distinguish between your original writing and your new writing. But, just from personal experience, crayons might not be your best option.
4. Have someone else read through your paper, and plead them for more-than surface level comments. I know every English teacher has made you do this from the beginning of time. “Peer editing” seems to have a bad-wrap, but teachers don’t do it just to give you busy-work, even if it might seem like it sometimes. They make you do it because it really does help I making your paper that much better. Just like fighting couples need a counselor to mediate between their arguments, a peer edit does essentially the same thing. By having an outside and more non-biased source read through your work, they will see mistakes that you didn’t even know were there or at least, weren’t willing to admit it. If done the right way, it should be a humbling experience, so take it the right way. No one likes a pouter.

Stupid English (Grammar)
1. Grammar makes a huge impression on your readers. Since grammar is a huge ocean, I’m only going to give you some general advice on this topic. If you truly want your argument to succeed, your writing first has to make sense. Correct grammar can make or break job interviews or even the first impressions you make on a date (at least with me) so make sure you check it. This doesn’t just include letting your computer check it for you—read through it yourself. Split infinitives (if you don’t know what that is, look it up), knowing when to use “well” and “good”, and even parallel structure are common mistakes your computer won’t always catch. Remember: focus on developing strong ideas first, and then look for all your silly grammatical mistakes. Warning: don’t lose your personality in your writing through these corrections like choosing between “passive” and “active” voice.
2. Your choice of words is important. Just as much as an apple tastes different from an orange, the words “happy” and “exuberant” give off two very different connotations. What are connotations you may ask? Well, a connotation is defined as a “second meaning to a word in addition to its explicit or primary meaning.” This means that you have to be conscious of the words you choose, because they can give vastly different impressions to your readers. Avoid very vague words like “it” or even “big,” try something a little more descriptive to improve your overall writing. But be careful not to choose words that are too lofty, try to stick to words that you know well or else they can sound very forced an out-of-place. You definitely don’t want that.
3. What do your sentence structures look like? When your sentence structures are a lot alike, your writing tends to take on characteristics of a lullaby. As much as sleep may sound great right now (especially for me), you need to keep your readers occupied, not bored. Switching up your “ands,” “ors,” and “buts” can truly make a difference in how your writing is perceived. Pay close attention to sentence length and remember, lengthy doesn’t always mean better. Make sentences work for you—improve your writing just by keeping these things in mind.

Definitions
Here are a few words that I thought should be defined, as knowing exactly what a word means can make a huge difference in the effectiveness of your writing. Remember! If you ever don’t know a specific word, swallow your pride and look it up!

• Writing: (n) such characters or matter with respect to style, kind, quality, etc.
• Revise: (n) to alter something already written or printed, in order to make corrections, improve, or update: to revise a manuscript
• Edit: (v) to collect, prepare, and arrange
• Grammar: (n) the study of the way the sentence of a language are constructed; morphology and syntax
• Tool: (n) anything used as a means of accomplishing a task or a purpose
• Audience: (n) the persons reached by a book, radio, or television broadcast, etc.; public
• Argument: (n) an address or composition intended to convince or persuade; persuasive discourse.
• Persuade: (v) to induce to believe by appealing to reason or understanding, convince

Revision played a huge role in improving one of my own papers, specifically, The Virtual Communities Project. After writing my first draft (one that was still read through and corrected for grammatical errors) I went back to look at how it could be improved. After reading it through myself, I met with my teacher who (through a great conversation) helped me to narrow down my then-broad ideas to something that was more manageable. The first place I started in correcting this paper was really focusing on the effectiveness of my hypothesis. When reviewing it, I saw that only had a claim present, with no mention of the theoretical roots in which it sparked from. Usually, this problem is backward for most writers, as coming up with an original claim should be the hard part. But in my case, I had to look back to the different theories and recall the differences in both Rheingold and Postman. Through doing this I could thoroughly flesh out my understanding of the theories and therefore narrow down my claim. This ultimately made a much more effective, detailed hypothesis—making my life easier for the rest of my paper.
After revising my hypothesis, I felt set on continuing to revise the next parts of my paper, as I now had a truly detailed foundation in the form of my hypothesis. After analyzing my audience, I worked on developing a new “game plan” in accordance to my “new and improved” hypothesis. Narrowing down my details in my argument also helped in improving the rest of the paper, making everything completely cohesive.


Original Exercise

Given the essay given below, “White Privilege,” write your own thesis that would appear in a response paper to the essay. Outline the rest of your response essay, looking at specific details that would support your claim. When writing your response essay, keep in mind this particular audience:
1. Sue is a middle-class Caucasian-American teacher, who lives in the suburbs of Chicago. She is married with three kids who all attend public school and truly loves teaching third graders. Her husband’s name is Harry and he is an engineer. They were high school sweethearts and are still very much in love. Sue is a die-hard Democrat and absolutely loves different cultures around the world.
2. Paul is 40-year-old successful real estate investor. He is an African American that grew up in the Hampton’s. While Paul came from money, he contributes his success to hard-work and great networking skills. Often shunned in the elitist society in which he was raised, Paul avoids forming close relationships with anyone of the opposite race—unless it is for business purposes.
3. Keiko is a 19-year-old freshman at Colorado State University. Her parents emigrated from Japan and started their own successful liquor store business. Because of the business savvy she picked up from her experiences helping her parents, Keiko is a finance major. Her best friend, Amanda, is a 19-year-old Caucasian who is majoring in Asian Studies.

Remember, you are looking at the theoretical arguments that McIntosh presents and then building your thesis from her theory. You must also include a debatable claim. When outlining the rest of your paper, make sure to include relevant details that work to greatly support your argument.

“White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”
By Peggy McIntosh

Through work to bring materials from Women’s Studies into the rest of the curriculum, I have often noticed men’s unwillingness to grant that they are over privileged, even though they may grant that women are disadvantaged. They may say they will work to improve women’s status, in the society, the university, or the curriculum, but they can’t or won’t support the idea of lessening men’s. Denials, which amount to taboos, surround the subject of advantages, which men gain from women’s disadvantages. These denials protect male privilege from being fully acknowledged, lessened or ended.
Thinking through unacknowledged male privilege as a phenomenon, I realized that since hierarchies in our society are interlocking, there was most likely a phenomenon of white privilege, which was similarly denied and protected. As a white person, I realized I had been taught about racism as something, which puts others at a disadvantage, but had been taught not to see one of its corollary aspects, white privilege which puts me at an advantage.
I think whites are carefully taught not to recognize white privilege, as males are taught not to recognize male privilege. So I have begun in an untutored way to ask what it is like to have white privilege. I have come to see white privilege as an invisible package of unearned assets, which I can count on cashing in each day, but about which I was ‘meant’ to remain oblivious. White privilege is like an invisible weightless knapsack of special provisions, maps, passports, codebooks, visas, clothes, tools and blank checks.
Describing white privilege makes one newly accountable. As we in Women’s Studies work to reveal male privilege and ask men to give up some of their power, so one who writes about having white privilege must ask, “ Having described it what will I do to lessen or end it?”
After I realized the extent to which men work from a base of unacknowledged privilege, I understood that much of their oppressiveness was unconscious. Then I remembered the frequent charges from women of color that white women whom they encounter are oppressive. I began to understand why we are justly seen as oppressive, even when we don’t see ourselves that way. I began to count the ways in which I enjoy unearned skin privilege and have been conditioned into oblivion about its existence.
My schooling gave me no training in seeing myself as an oppressor, as an unfairly advantaged person or as a participant in a damaged culture. I was taught to see myself, as an individual whose moral state depended on her individual moral will. My schooling followed the pattern my colleague Elizabeth Minnich has pointed out: whites are taught to think of their lives as morally neutral, normative, and average, and also ideal, so that when we work to benefit others, this is seen as work which will allow “them“ to be more like “us.”
I decided to try to work on myself at least by identifying some of the daily effects of white privilege on my life. I have chosen those conditions which I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographical location, though of course all these other factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can see, my African American co-workers, friends and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place and line of work cannot count on most of these conditions.

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area, which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
3. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
5. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
6. When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization,” I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
7. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
8. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.
9. I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser’s shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
10. Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of my financial reliability.
11. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
12. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race.
13. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.
14. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
15. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
16. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world’s majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
17. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.
18. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to “the person in charge,” I will be facing a person of my race.
19. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race.
20. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, and children’s magazines featuring people of my race.
21. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared.
22. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having coworkers on the job suspect that I got it because of race.
23. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the place I have chosen.
24. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my race will not work against me.
25. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.
26. I can choose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match my skin.
I repeatedly forgot each of the realizations on this list until I wrote it down. For me white privilege has turned out to be an elusive and fugitive subject. The pressure to avoid it is great, for in facing it I must give up the myth of meritocracy. If these things are true, this is not such a free country; one’s life is not what one makes it; many doors open for certain people through no virtues of their own.
In unpacking this invisible backpack of white privilege, I have listed conditions of daily experience which I once took for granted. Nor did I think of any of these perquisites as bad for the holder. I now think that we need a more finely differentiated taxonomy of privilege, for some these varieties are only what one would want for everyone in a just society, and others give license to be ignorant, oblivious, arrogant and destructive.
I see a pattern running through the matrix of white privilege, a pattern of assumptions which were passed on to me as a white person. There was one main piece of cultural turf; it was my own turf, and I was among those who could control the turf. My skin color was an asset for any move I was educated to want to make. I could think of myself as belonging in major ways, and of making social systems work for me. I could freely disparage, fear, neglect, or be oblivious to anything outside of the dominant cultural forms. Being of the main culture, I could also criticize it fairly freely.
In proportion as my racial group was being confident, comfortable, and oblivious, other groups were likely being made unconfident, uncomfortable, and alienated. whiteness protected me from many kinds of hostility, distress, and violence, which I was being subtly trained to visit in turn upon people of color.
For this reason, the word ”privilege” now seems to be misleading. We usually think of privilege as being a favored state, whether earned or conferred by birth or luck. Yet some of the conditions I have described here work to systematically over empower certain groups. Such privilege simply confers dominance because of one’s race or sex.
I want, then, to distinguish between earned strength and unearned power conferred
systematically. Power from unearned privilege can look like strength when it is in fact permission to escape or to dominate. But not all of the privileges on my list are inevitably damaging. Some, like the expectation that neighbors will be decent to you, or that your race will not count against you in court, should be the norm in a just society. Others, like the privilege to ignore less powerful people, distort the humanity of the holders as well as the ignored groups.
We might at least start by distinguishing between positive advantages which we can work to spread, and negative types of advantages which unless rejected will always reinforce our present hierarchies. For example, the feeling that one belongs within the human circle, as Native Americans say, should not be seen as a privilege for a few. Ideally it is an unearned entitlement. At present, since only a few have it, it is an unearned advantage for them. This paper results from a process of coming to see that some of the power which I originally saw as attendant on being a human being in the U.S. consisted in unearned advantage and conferred dominance.
I have met very few men who are truly distressed about systemic, unearned male advantage and conferred dominance. And so one question for me and others like me is whether we will be like them or whether we will get truly distressed, even outraged about unearned race advantage and conferred dominance and if so, what will we do to lessen them. In any case, we need to do more work in identifying how they actually affect our daily lives. Many, perhaps most of our white students in the U.S. think that racism doesn’t affect them because they are not people of color, they do not see “whiteness” as
a racial identity. In addition, since race and sex are not the only advantaging systems at work, we need similarly to examine the daily experience of having age advantage, or ethnic advantage, or physical ability, or advantage related to nationality, religion or sexual orientation.
Difficulties and dangers surrounding the task of finding parallels are many. Since racism, sexism and heterosexism are not the same, the advantaging associated with them should not be seen as the same. In addition, it is hard to disentangle aspects of unearned advantage which rest more on social class, economic class, race, religion, sex and ethnic identity than on other factors. Still, all of the oppressions are interlocking, as the Combahee River Collective Statement of 1977 continues to remind us eloquently.
One factor seems clear about all of the interlocking oppressions. They take both active forms which we can see and embedded forms which as a member of the dominant group one is not taught to see. In my class and place, I did not see myself as a racist because I was taught to recognize racism only in individual acts of meanness by members of my group, never in the invisible systems conferring unsought racial dominance on my group from birth.
Disapproving of the systems won’t be enough to change them. I was taught to think that racism could end if white individuals changed their attitudes. (But) a “white” skin in the United States opens many doors for whites whether or not we approve of the way dominance has been conferred on us. Individual acts can palliate, but cannot end, these problems.
To redesign social systems we need first to acknowledge their colossal unseen dimensions. The silences and denials surrounding privilege are the key political tool here. They keep the thinking about equality or equity incomplete, protecting unearned advantage and conferred dominance by making these taboo subjects. Most talk by whites about equal opportunity seems to me now to be about equal opportunity to try to get into a position of dominance while denying that systems of dominance exist.
It seems to me that obliviousness about white advantage, like obliviousness about male advantage, is kept strongly inculturated in the United States so as to maintain the myth of meritocracy, the myth that democratic choice is equally available to all. Keeping most people unaware that freedom of confident action is there for just a small number of people props up those in power, and serves to keep power in the hands of the same groups that have most of it already.
Though systemic change takes many decades there are pressing questions for me and I imagine for some others like me if we raise our daily consciousness on the perquisites of being light-skinned. What will we do with such knowledge? As we know from watching men, it is an open question whether we will choose to use unearned advantage to weaken hidden systems of advantage and whether we will use any of our arbitrarily-awarded power to reconstruct power systems on a broader base.

Messner, Michael A., Pierette Hondagneu-Sotelo, and Maxine B. Zinn, edus. Gender Through the Prism of Difference. 3rd ed. New York: Oxford UP, USA, 2005. Print.


Now that you’ve wrote a response thesis and outlined your essay, write another thesis and outline given this audience:
1. Jennifer is a Caucasian secretary who hates her job and is dissatisfied with the rest of her life. She works to pay off her student loans that built up in her four years of college. She was adopted by the Wang’s, wealthy Koreans who made it big in America. She loves her adoptive parents but always felt out-of-place in her white skin.
2. Jeffry is a Caucasian IT consultant who has a beautiful wife and three kids. He works hard to support his family and loves city life in New York City. With the rising costs of the faltering economy, Jeff is doing everything in his power to avoid moving his family to the suburbs because he feels they need diverse surroundings, not cookie-cutter ones.
3. Amelia is a Caucasian stay-at-home mom who lives in the suburbs of Nebraska. She works hard to instill religious values in her kids and is often called a very “strict” mom. She believes that God is the most important aspect of her life and does not acknowledge any other cultures’ religions.


How has the change in your audience changed your second thesis? Have the details you chose also changed? How does audience make a difference in the tone in your writing. Make sure you state your theoretical foundations in McIntosh’s writing, along with your own original claim.























Lesson #2: Creating Arguments visually, musically or literary form: Pencil to Paintbrush

Definitions/Step-By-Step Process
1. Pick a creative process that you enjoy. When we write papers, sometimes our ideas can get lost in the frustration that we have in writing them. Well, I’ve got just the cure for this frustration and it may seem simple, but it truly makes all the difference. First of all, enjoy writing. Don’t see it as a painful task that your teacher made you do out of spite. Allow it to be a release, much like any other art form like drawing or painting might do for you. Speaking of drawing and painting, these are tips you should also remember. When representing an argument in some creative form, choose something you enjoy because it is more likely that you will come up with something more effective. Also, recall your creative strengths or pose more of a challenge to yourself by trying to express something that you are not particularly good at. For instance, I’m not a good painter, but maybe if I pushed myself to learn it and enjoy it, my creative argument wouldn’t be so bad after all.
2. Be educated on your topic. I know you may think I’m reiterating this idea too much, but your understanding of a topic has almost everything to do with how well you can present it. Arguments can’t be continuously sifted through and understood by readers if the information is not accurately depicted. If I wanted to present an argument through a song for example, I would still somewhat have to treat it like a piece of creative writing. It would still be based on claims and facts, just in a more “appealing” form. By being educated on all aspects of your argument, you are essentially gaining your audiences’ confidence—something that is always essential in being successful.
3. Brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. This may sound elementary as I’m sure you must have grown up doing this for any task—but that’s because it truly works. Brainstorming ideas for your creative representation of your argument provides you for the best assortment of ideas and then from there, it’s all down hill. Narrowing down your choices from a list often creates the best possible solutions. Something else to remember while writing down your ideas-- try to challenge yourself with something out-of-the-ordinary. Always keep the basis of your argument at the forefront—this will keep your ideas linked, helping you to differentiate between ideas.
4. Make a deeper reference to your original argument. Sometimes, for whatever reason, it is easier to diverge from the main part of your argument when trying to think of a way to creatively represent it. By analyzing all levels of your argument, you are essentially making a bigger “canvas” for your audience to relate to. By relating to your audience on both the fundamental and metaphorical level, you are adding that frosting to your already amazing layered cake. Be sure to always be aware of both the pros and cons of your argument, and don’t be afraid to try to explain that “gray” in between—it’s usually a lot more interesting.
5. Always keep your audience in mind. Just like a piece of writing, audience also changes everything for a visual, musical, or literary form of an argument. If for example, your target audience for your project was college students you might do something like a rap to appeal to the overall generation. Given the same project and a different audience (say, a room full of professors) you might make a song that mimics The Beatles. Adjusting to the preferences of your audience is the easiest way to make a so-so argument to something untouchable.
6. Look for something less obvious. Instead of simply retelling a story or pulling the obvious moral, try to present your argument that really takes some thinking. When I say “thinking” I mean that you shouldn’t be able to figure out the creative piece at first glance, as it should be something that challenges your audience to push their original thoughts on the subject. In successfully persuading them on your argument, you must present the material in a way that not only immediately captures their interest, but also keeps it.

In one of my own papers, The Denver Rhetor Project, I took an argument and turned it something more creative. My argument was entitled “Creative Capitalism” and assessed the very subdued capitalistic nature of the art world (based on the Santa Fe Art Walk in Denver). As I was required to attend this event, I took careful observations of the entire experience, hoping to make some kind of interesting inference. After writing my paper, I was (admittedly) “stuck” on creating a visual representation of my argument. Using the application, Prezi, I was able to achieve the sense of a “walk” for my audience—a detail that genuinely reflects both the physical and metaphorical foundations of my writing. While my Prezi presentation was a much more satirical take on a much more serious argument, it challenged me in ways just writing a paper could never have done. Through pictures and creating a “path” on my Prezi, I was able to distinguish and “guide” my audience, being much more likely to persuade them. Since I am the farthest from any Van Gough, “thinking out-of- the-box” was a very difficult task to accomplish, but in the end, it was more than worth it.

Original Exercise
Below you sill see a version on the classic fairytale, Cinderella. Read through it carefully and write an outline for an argument you would make in response to it (bulleted list is okay). After doing this, you will have twenty minutes to create a Prezi presentation. To access this website, use the link provided: www.prezi.com. Create a username and password. Prezi presentations are a new and simple way to present your ideas in a cool, new manner. But just incase, here are a few tips when making your own Prezi presentation:

1. Make a plan. Now I’m not asking you to write a ten-page detailed paper discerning every detail-- that would be awful! Just make a simple list of ideas. This may seem like an elementary clue, but it’s a very important step. As you will see, a Prezi presentation is very different from those pictures that you used to draw in elementary (or the pictures you draw in your notebook in college). Prezi allows you to have an “un-limited” canvas, so making a plan even more important.
2. Pick your pictures first. Yes, this may seem a little backwards as usually we choose visuals off of our writing. But I’ve learned that with a Prezi, this way is much more effective and time saving. By choosing your pictures first, you will be able to find text to accompany them after. Pictures will also help you pick your “path” easier, developing your argument even further. And remember, when picking your pictures-- pick them for a purpose, not just because you think they’re cute.
3. Keep your tone in mind. When choosing pictures or text to include, remember that even a Prezi presentation puts off a tone to your audience. If you establish the wrong tone, then your argument is much less effective—and we don’t want that. Creative visuals are ways to enhance your written argument, but remember that many of the same principles still apply.
4. Take advantage of all the effects. You will see that Prezi makes it easy for you to use many different instruments to enhance your presentation, so use them! Through things such as colors, background, shapes, and grouping devices you can control the appeal your presentation has. Word of caution: remember that simple is sometimes better. This is not to discourage you in your art endeavors, but just keep in mind that too many visuals can be overwhelming.


“Cinderella”
Once upon a time there lived an unhappy young girl. Her mother was dead and her father had married a widow with two daughters. Her stepmother didn't like her one little bit. All her kind thoughts and loving touches were for her own daughters. Nothing was too good for them - dresses, shoes, delicious food, soft beds, and every home comfort. But, for the poor unhappy girl, there was nothing at all. No dresses, only her stepsisters’ hand-me-downs. No lovely dishes, nothing but scraps. No rest and no comfort. She had to work hard all day. Only when evening came was she allowed to sit for a while by the fire, near the cinders. That’s why everybody called her Cinderella.
Cinderella used to spend long hours all alone talking to the cat. The cat said, “Miaow“, which really meant, “Cheer up! You have something neither of your stepsisters has and that is beauty.” It was quite true. Cinderella, even dressed in old rags, was a lovely girl. While her stepsisters, no matter how splendid and elegant their clothes, were still clumsy, lumpy and ugly and always would be.
One day, beautiful new dresses arrived at the house. A ball was to be held at the palace and the stepsisters were getting ready to go. Cinderella didn't even dare ask if she could go too. She knew very well what the answer would be: “You? You're staying at home to wash the dishes, scrub the floors and turn down the beds for your stepsisters.” They will come home tired and very sleepy. Cinderella sighed, “Oh dear, I'm so unhappy!” and the cat murmured “Miaow.”

Suddenly something amazing happened. As Cinderella was sitting all alone, there was a burst of light and a fairy appeared. “Don't be alarmed, Cinderella,” said the fairy. “I know you would love to go to the ball. And so you shall!” “How can I, dressed in rags?” Cinderella replied. “The servants will turn me away!”
The fairy smiled. With a flick of her magic wand Cinderella found herself wearing the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. “Now for your coach,” said the fairy; "A real lady would never go to a ball on foot! Quick! Get me a pumpkin!” “Oh of course,” said Cinderella, rushing away. Then the fairy turned to the cat. “You, bring me seven mice, and, remember they must be alive!”
Cinderella soon returned with the pumpkin and the cat with seven mice he had caught in the cellar. With a flick of the magic wand the pumpkin turned into a sparkling coach and the mice became six white horses, while the seventh mouse turned into a coachman in a smart uniform and carrying a whip. Cinderella could hardly believe her eyes.
“You shall go to the ball Cinderella. But remember! You must leave at midnight. That is when my spell ends. Your coach will turn back into a pumpkin and the horses will become mice again. You will be dressed in rags and wearing clogs instead of these glass slippers! Do you understand?” Cinderella smiled and said, “Yes, I understand!”
Cinderella had a wonderful time at the ball until she heard the first stroke of midnight! She remembered what the fairy had said, and without a word of goodbye she slipped from the Prince’s arms and ran down the steps. As she ran she lost one of her slippers, but not for a moment did she dream of stopping to pick it up! If the last stroke of midnight were to sound... oh... what a disaster that would be! Out she fled and vanished into the night.
The Prince, who was now madly in love with her, picked up the slipper and said to his ministers, “Go and search everywhere for the girl whose foot this slipper fits. I will never be content until I find her!” So the ministers tried the slipper on the foot of every girl in the land until only Cinderella was left.
“That awful untidy girl simply cannot have been at the ball,” snapped the stepmother. “Tell the Prince he ought to marry one of my two daughters! Can't you see how ugly Cinderella is?” But, to everyone’s amazement, the shoe fitted perfectly.
Suddenly the fairy appeared and waved her magic wand. In a flash, Cinderella appeared in a splendid dress, shining with youth and beauty. Her stepmother and stepsisters gaped at her in amazement, and the ministers said, “Come with us Cinderella! The Prince is waiting for you.“
So Cinderella married the Prince and lived happily ever. As for the cat, he just said “Miaow!”

Now that you’ve made your own Prezi, ask yourself these key questions: Is your visual representation a deeper exploration of your original argument? How can your argument be improved? Is it accessible to all audiences? Can your tone be improved? What is one thing that you would change? Did you take full advantage of the tools provided? If you answered yes to anyone of these questions (and I know you did) then go back and edit your Prezi. Look at the changes you can make and always keep the final product in mind!